Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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