Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
