You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
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