Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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