there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
