He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I think my moral compass just broke
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
