are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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