She's JV to your varsity
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Randomize
