I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
