I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Randomize
