Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
