omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Randomize
