"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Randomize
