I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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