God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Randomize
