her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Brb crying the tears of my youth
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
