I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
