I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
