I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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