Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
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