Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Randomize
