I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
this hospital has no fireball
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
