True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
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