My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
