Moan for me like Helen Keller
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
