I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Randomize
