if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
