WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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