she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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