Who wears a wallet chain?!
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
