I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
