Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
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