How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
