How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize
