At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Randomize
