Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Found the puke drawer
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
