What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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