Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Just puked most of my soul out..
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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