Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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