the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
