Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
