Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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