she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
