I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
