shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
