I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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