Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Randomize
