girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
She's the barista slut.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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