my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
