just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Randomize
