Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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