yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
where does the pee come out of this thing
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Randomize
