I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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